“No relationship is ever a waste of your time. If it didn’t bring you what you want, it taught you what you don’t want”.
It’s not clear who first said this, but the wisdom is no less valuable for that. There is profound meaning and truth in these words, and they bring both encouragement and comfort to those whose relationships didn’t go the way they wanted.
In the same way that bad things can happen to good people, bad relationships can teach us good things about ourselves. No relationship is an accident. Throughout our lives we meet the people we need to grow into the most beneficial and meaningful versions of ourselves, yet this growth doesn’t always come from positive interactions.
It’s easy to blame failed relationships for the emotional baggage we carry around with us. We resent the pain and heartbreak, the wasted time, the expending of emotions and energy. But failure doesn’t have to be a negative thing. In fact, it’s actually an essential part of our growth and development as people, and helps form the springboard that propels us forward.
Sometimes you’ll find yourself in relationships with people – friends, lovers, family members – who don’t have the same value system as you, who might lead a destructive life, or who simply don’t treat you with the respect you deserve. But it’s not helpful or healthy to label these people as the problem. The question you should be asking in these situations is: “what is it about my journey through life that has brought these people to me?”
Looking at it in this way forces to you acknowledge that there is some deep-seated issue in your past that’s making you believe you haven’t done the work to deserve a happy life, and are instead only worthy of these negative relationships. This issue needs to be addressed, and you have to let go of the pain of the past.
Even the worst relationships can teach us fundamental things about ourselves, and our own lives. When we find value in bad situations, they suddenly cease to be a source of conflict in our lives.
“Losing will not always amount to a loss, sometimes you have to lose those toxic relationships and bad habits to create a space for better things.”
Gugu Mona