Practice self control
When we practice self control, we consciously suppress our impulses or desires so that we conform more closely to social and personal values and expectations. People with good self-control are usually more popular and successful than those with poor self-control, a trait that can lead to addictions and underachievement.
Good self-control helps us meet personal goals, see difficult tasks through to completion, avoid personal injury and harm, and generally function in a socially competent way. These are all positive traits that naturally encourage better chances of success when dating than when self-control is poor.
Someone with good self-control is more likely, for example, to keep their promises, because they can resist temptation. Remember: being tempted is not an indication of poor self-control, but giving in to that temptation is.
People with good self-control get things done. They finish what they start and they believe in honouring commitments. This makes them an attractive prospect for dating.
Poor self-control can lead to emotional, verbal or physical abuse – all things to actively avoid when dating someone. Those closest to us have access to parts our minds, souls and hearts that others just don’t have. This can make us feel vulnerable, which can sometimes cause us to lash out. Often, verbal abuse is more destructive and wounds more deeply than the physical kind. Practising good self-control leads to far less hurt and far fewer regrets.
Fortunately, self-control can be built up, just like a muscle. But you need to do the right exercises. So, if you perhaps feel that your lack of dating success might be due to lack of self-control on your part, try doing some of the following:
Increase Self-Awareness
The first step to greater self-control is acknowledging when you’re at your weakest. Learn to recognise when your levels of self-control are low, and find a way to avoid temptation at these times.
Manage Stress
High levels of stress mean our bodies go into survival mode and most of our energy is used up acting instinctively and making decisions that are based on short-term outcomes. Reducing your stress means you’ll be better able to take a deep breath, step back from the situation and exercise greater self-control.
Practice self-affirmation
Good self-control means saying, “I don’t” instead of “I can’t.” Telling yourself that you don’t do a certain thing gives you a feeling of choice, and control over your actions, whereas “I can’t” implies a forced situation over which you have no control.
“Just because something is good doesn’t mean we should pursue it right now. We have to remember that the right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing.”
Joshua Harris