Relationships are all about connecting with other people whether it’s with members of your family, your friends or people in your community. In order for you to both forge and maintain healthy relationships, it stands to reason that you should be an active participant in this process.
Although it would certainly make life easier if people were all the same, the truth is that we are all different, and we perceive the world in different ways. This fact of life can be challenging when it comes to building relationships, especially because we would certainly feel more comfortable if others understood us and saw our point of view right off the bat.
While accepting one another for our differences and embracing this, is a great place to begin, what other valuable input could you offer as a solid foundation for the important relationships in your life?
Learn to Listen
If it has become your bad habit to only listen to reply, which causes a bigger divide in any relationship, start practising to actively listen to understand instead. Learn to hear what others are trying to communicate before adding your own input.
Train yourself to be genuinely interested in the person you are engaging with by trying to gain an understanding of their way of thinking, their feelings, and their overall message. Repeat or paraphrase some of the things they say to confirm to them that you are actually listening.
Communication is Key
Communication is when someone understands you, not just when you speak, and vice-versa. Poor communication is often the root of mixed messages and leaves room for laying blame, which can lead to relationships coming apart.
Make and maintain eye contact when you talk to others – this confirms your interest in them and what they are saying. Use people’s first names when it’s appropriate. Apply your listening skills to learn about them as a person.
Be sympathetic to other’s misfortunes and also congratulate and praise the triumphs in their lives, no matter how small. Be encouraging and empathetic – people never forget how you make them feel.
A physical touch on the hand, shoulder or arm, if and when appropriate and if you are comfortable with it, can add to your overall connection to the person.
Ask for other’s opinions to make them feel valued, while at the same time remembering that an opinion is not a fact, so can be neither right nor wrong. Try not to be judgemental or biased by preconceived ideas – see things from their viewpoint.
Stay in tune with your own emotions and also consider the emotional effect of your words and actions on others, based on your understanding of what is acceptable to them. Any personal viewpoints should be clearly and honestly defined. Use effective body language and open questions to ensure that everyone is engaged in the interaction.
Feedback is the food of Progress
While feedback can sometimes leave a bad taste in your mouth, it can be good for you. Providing and receiving constructive feedback within a relationship helps everyone to become aware of any blind spots and to also get a different perspective on things. Feedback is information anyone can choose to either ignore or take on board for personal growth.
The Gift of Time
In a world where time is a precious commodity, trying to fit everything and everyone in can feel stressful. Technology has also eroded our ability to build real relationships in our efforts to multi-task and communicate with too many people at the same time. To reconnect effectively, we need to consciously devote some of our valuable time and energy to the task.
Choose which relationships are most important to you, and be present in the time that you give to them. Put your technology down and really listen and communicate with the person you are spending time with. Giving the gift of time makes people feel valued and important.
Every relationship we engage in teaches us something and shapes who we become. Maintaining positive and supportive relationships will make us feel happier, more connected and better satisfied with our lives, all of which are healthy benefits that add to our longevity.
“Life is an echo, what you send out comes back” – Chinese Proverb